


In the Mood for Love

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Fluff, M/M, Post-Season/Series 02, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2327228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In response to this kinkmeme prompt http://hannibalkink.dreamwidth.org/4770.html?thread=7649698  Chilton survives, has his name cleared, and he and Will bond while recovering in the hospital over their shared love of sarcasm and desire to see Hannibal behind bars. They know Hannibal is a possessive narcissist who hates being upstaged, so they decide the best way to draw him out is to pretend very publicly that they're dating,  </p><p>The rest of the prompt is at the link</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Mood for Love

Chilton looked at Will over a glass of whiskey as they sat on Chilton's couch, getting buzzed. “You didn’t find him, did you?” he said as he took a sip. He was thrilled to drink a glass of good liquor after having gone without for so many months in the hospital and the rehab center. He had moved, of course, and found himself a house much like the one he had. He supposed he should find himself fortunate that a house where Hannibal Lecter had killed actually had buyers outbidding each other to own it. Morbid bastards, he thought.

Will shook his head. He had spent three months searching in Europe, funded by Margot Verger‘s now deep pockets. “I heard he was in Venice but there was no sign of him.”

Chilton sighed. “You’re going about it all wrong. If you want him, you have to bait him so he comes out of hiding.”

“What can I bait him with? I’m no longer a lure worth the risk.”

Chilton narrowed his eyes. “I know him.”

Will rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you knew him so well that you testified at trial that I was the Chesapeake Ripper and not him.”

“But everything I said in the profile was true about Hannibal. He doesn’t like being one-upped and he hates not being the center of attention, especially yours.” 

Will took a swallow of whiskey. “If you’ve got a plan, spit it out.”

“We should pretend to be dating.”

“What? I think you better stop drinking,” said Will. He reached out to take Chilton’s drink from him only to have his hand batted away.

“No, no, no, no. Listen to me. Do you want to catch this monster or not?”

“I do.”

“I know that one tactic Jack used to get him to show himself was to have Gideon claim credit for his murders. He’s not going to like it if I claim you.”

“How is he ever going to find out?”

“I called Freddie Lounds and she says that she’d love to splash an ongoing series about our love on her website.”

“Oh fuck that.”

“It’ll drive Hannibal bat shit to hear that you prefer me to him, that I’m a better boyfriend, a better lover than him. At the very least, you’ll leave a bad taste in his mouth.”

“You’re already leaving a bad taste in mine.”

“I’ll throw in a case of whiskey.”

“I’m listening.”

***

Sitting under a patio umbrella by the pool of their villa, Bedelia was watching a video on her lap top that involved a baby polar bear being bottle fed when she heard Hannibal slam the table with his open palm. Considering how little emotion he showed on a day-to-day basis, she knew that something big had gone down. “Is it something that requires a session?” she said, already mentally trying to figure out if she should drink wine or try something stronger like vodka.

“Will is dating Frederick Chilton,” snarled Hannibal. 

“If you’re getting this from that website that will remain unnamed, they might just be photoshopped together.” Truly, thought Bedelia, you’d think he’d be over his ex by now. After all, I’m wearing a skimpy red bikini. And yet, there is no interest. 

“No, there’s a short video of them in a box at the opera where Will is whispering in his ear. And Will’s dressed in a tuxedo! He even shaved!” It was galling to the extreme.

Bedelia briefly wondered if she should offer Hannibal a tranquilizer or something stronger like cyanide. “You never took Will out to the opera.”

“I was always planning to . . . If he had come away with me, I would’ve reserved a box at La Scala, bought him something suitable for such an occasion.”

“Instead you stabbed him, and left for him dead and disappeared to go to another continent. Yes, Chilton is a terrible choice in comparison.” One part of her mind idly warned her that maybe mouthing off was not the way to go while another part of her mind really wanted to go back to watching cute kitty videos.

Hannibal ignored her jibes, so intent he was on the unfathomability of it all. “And Ms. Lounds is writing a grotesquely saccharine story about how they met each other in the rehab center, were each other’s rock and head cheerleader, and something about soul mates. . . The story is finally as bad as the quality of her writing.” He felt nauseous, a sensation he had not felt in years.

“Are you going back to wreak vengeance?”

“No, no I’m not. That’s what they’d like me to do.”

OK then, she thought. Bedelia clicked on a video of a cat petting an owl.  
***  
“I hope you don’t mind that this is a vegetarian place . . .” said Chilton as they sat down at a Chinese restaurant that was very clever at making faux meat dishes. “They do have a few shrimp entrees.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” said Will. 

“It’s not bad enough that I limp and I’ve got a scar on my face but not being able to eat meat really cuts down on the number of people willing to go out with me.”

“I don’t know. Giving off a serial killer vibe can be pretty bad too.”

“I said I was sorry . . .”

“No, it’s not about you. I mean even Jack and Alana believed I did it. If it weren’t for Hannibal’s egotism, I’d still be in jail.”

“He fooled everybody. Look, let’s not talk about him. Why don’t you tell me which one you like better, Batman or Superman?”

“How about Iron Man?”  
***  
“They’re dancing at the charity ball. And Will is wearing mother of pearl cufflinks and a Cartier watch. I know that Will could never afford anything like that,” said Hannibal as he checked the website the first thing in the morning. It enraged him especially to hear that Chilton had replaced him as the preeminent psychiatrist in the area. 

“Oh, why do you torture yourself?” said Bedelia as she put on a clay mask and cut two slices of cucumber to put on her eyes. 

“Because if he had said yes when I asked him to run away with me, I would’ve bought him all that and more.”

Bedelia thought to herself, Oh, my God, it looks like Hannibal’s about to cry. “Surely, you must’ve bought him something while you knew him.”

“I cooked a dinner of ortolan buntings, and when he was sick, I made him a soup made of ginseng and a silkie chicken,” sniffed Hannibal. “I also bought him a cologne that suited him. I was about to give him the greatest gift of all but he did not want it.”

“Why does it bother you if they live together? Haven‘t you give up on him?”

Hannibal pouted. “I have tried very hard not to think of him but even when I try to retreat into my mind palace, pictures of him haunt me there.”

“Maybe they’re just doing it to get back at you.”

“At first I thought so but there’s something about the way they look at each other that reeks of genuine interest.”

Bedelia poured herself a glass of wine. This was going to be a very long day.  
***  
“How do you do it?” said Chilton as they had lunch at a local deli. Chilton had a veggie sandwich while Will had an overstuffed pastrami sandwich on rye with spicy mustard.

“Do what?”

“Figure out those crimes?”

“It’s not something I can teach. If I could, I would’ve taught all the students I’ve had over the years. God knows that Jack would‘ve loved to learn how to do it.” Will sighed. “The closest thing I can come is say that you have to absolutely put yourself in the perpetrator’s place with no judgment, to fully identify with the person and allow you to feel things that would be considered socially unacceptable.”

“Is that what made you fall for him?”

“I think that’s what made him hope I’d fall completely for him,” said Will. “We’ve been doing this for six months but there’s been no sign of him.”

Chilton hesitated before he said, “You‘re right. There hasn‘t been.”

“It doesn’t mean that we have to stop going out, does it?”

Chilton sighed in relief. “No, it doesn’t.”

***  
“What are you reading?” said Bedelia as she got ready to do an hour of yoga followed by an hour of meditation. 

“It’s a book by Chilton,” spat Hannibal as he scowled at the tome. “However, it has Will’s fingerprints all over it. He would never have come up with these insights without him. It’s how I could tell Beverly was still talking to him despite Will being in prison. And he‘s even being interviewed on TV about it.” Then he read one more thing that changed everything. “Bedelia, we are going back to Baltimore!”

“What, why?”

“We must stop the wedding!”

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I sometimes wonder if Bedelia is stoned.


End file.
